you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
