mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
