Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
