My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
