I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize