There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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