Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
