what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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