you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
