Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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