I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
