Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
