$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
not ubering you a puppy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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