I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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