Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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