First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
