If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
