hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
