I want to make a zoo with you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
