did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
