i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
