I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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