I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
