I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
