I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
