After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
