he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
