Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
