It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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