I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
