dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
