I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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