tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
