Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
