Come see our sink grown plant.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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