I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
