Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize