hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my being single is dangerous.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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