is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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