So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
