I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
