I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
