he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
