just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
