I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
