Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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