I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
