yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You smell like stripper and shame
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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