somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
