Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
