I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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