My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize