i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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