Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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