shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
