Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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