just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
