OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
