so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
