evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize