end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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